I'm Sorry, So Sorry

When was the last time you said, "I am sorry" and meant it? Really meant, not just said it because its the right thing to do or to diffuse a situation. I am not sure the last time I did that...I apologized to the 'pseudo" Step-son recently and The BF and meant. I told my Health Nut Sister sorry just yesterday but I only partially meant it.

The other day I had an interesting conversation with an old friend from college. He was calling to say hi and to apologize for something that happened between us 12+ years ago. He told me that it was something that had been on his heart recently and felt that he should say I am sorry.
I was floored I had forgotten all about the incident and now that I am looking back I realized that it changed our friendship and did impact me but not in a horribly adverse way and I moved forward.  It wasn't something horribly bad or illegal and not even immoral.

What moved me the most was that he still cared about me (as a friend) enough to call me and say I am sorry. This got me thinking how often do I apologize? I like to think I apologize when I am wrong...if I think I am wrong. But I have never apologized for something that happened years ago.

For the most part I am a good person despite a slight leaning towards evil (those college years were fun) when I was younger, so I am sitting hear pondering how many apologies do I owe people.

There are a few and I am going to call/email those people but there is one person I lost track of that I really need to say I am sorry. Briefly in time I dated this nice guy back when I was channeling my evil side. I was a really bad girlfriend...you know the manipulative, mean, controlling girl. I was the girlfriend that his wife (I heard he got married) probably curses on a daily basis. I am not saying I have the power to affect a person so greatly but I did...I was horrible. If I knew where he was I would call and apologize to him and his wife.

Do you need to apologize to someone in your life? I highly recommend that you do...its freeing in the most amazing way.

Blank as the Pages of My Diary

Its no surprise to anyone that I like books...lots and lots of books. I constantly have a book or 4 I am in the middle of reading....its one of the things that makes me, me. With all the books I read comes this need to share my opinion of the books. I Want to share my experiences, was it good? Did it suck? Did I cry? Was I scared? Were the characters worth the time I spent reading?  You get my point.

 But recently something strange has happened I can't seem to write reviews on the books. I created a whole blog just for reviews and I am blank..nothing there. I can write a synopsis of the book but I cant seem to express if I liked the book.

I have even read some amazing books, books that have effected me profoundly. I read the book and when talk about the book I am like...you see the dot dot dot is my problem, nothing comes. I am blank; I know how I feel and how the book affected me but when I go to express that felling all I can come up with is dot dot dot.

I currently have a love hate relationship with the dot dot dot. I fell like that Seinfeld episode where Elaine yada yada yada'd over sex (seriously one of my favorite Seinfeld moments). Only unlike her I am yada yada yadaing over the best part, what made the book so good.

I can write reviews for books that were just OK but not the really good books but who wants to write reviews for books that were okay? Not me, I want to tell you about the books that rocked my world, that made me ponder my life and my views. There was even one that caused my to have an extensional crisis...seriously it did.

How do I move forward? What do I do? Can I move past the dot dot dot. Have a written my last book review? Should I give up and move on? 

I need help!!! Probably the intense psychotherapy kind. 

Weighing in on a Weighty Subject

Recently a good friend on Facebook had a discussion on how often you should weigh yourself. There was a nice discussion about daily, weekly or monthly weigh ins. Now I am not a fan of weighing myself in fact until recently I didn't even own a scale. The scale and I are not friends, in fact I think we  are mortal enemies. Although which one of this is the hero and which one is the bad guy is still open for debate.

With that being said I decided to get one to help me with my weight loss journey. It can be a good indicator to help you decided if the things you are doing are working or not. But I worry about the effect it will have on the "pseudo" step-kids especially the daughter. As woman our whole self esteem can be become wrapped up in the number on the scale.

For me personally if the number on the scale would get to high I would get depressed which often lead to more eating....I am an emotional eater. When I am sad I eat, when I am bored I eat, when I am angry I eat (actually I drink wine but that is a lot of calories). So then I would avoid the scale (by avoiding the Dr because that is the only time I stepped on the scale) and then when I was finally forced to get on one I would get depressed hate myself and my body. Talk about a vicious cycle and I can't even blame anyone for it...this is all me.

Now that we have established that I have any unhealthy relationship with my scale...How often do I weigh myself?  I have decided on once a week to help me monitor if what I am doing is helping or hindering my ability to get healthy.  To be honest with you the scale sits on the floor in my bathroom (which is better than the kitchen I think) and every time I walk in there I fight the urge to step on the scale. Its a constant mental battle I have with myself...even though I know that your weight will fluctuate through out the day, I still have to fight myself to stay off.

I also want to help the kids in my life have a healthy relationship with food and the scale. How do I do that when I have a bad relationship with food and the scale?

Here are my weekly get healthy habits.

Good Habit: Get on the treadmill 5 days this weeks, for at least 15 minutes preferably 30 minutes.

Bad Habit: No extra snacking. I know this was last weeks bad habit but I didn't do as well as I would hope to do with it so I am trying again this week.

10 Rules For Dating Your Friends Ex-Husband

Its no surprise by now that I am dating my friends ex-husband or that she was the one that set us up. And in the 3 years and 3 months we have been dating I have become an expert on dating your friend's ex.

Or at least I like to pretend I am and when people ask me how do we do it I have no problem giving them advice and waxing poetically about the situation. I don't think everyone can do it...in fact I truly  believe that its rare and by the grace of God that we make it work.

Never the less I have developed 10 rules that help see me through the situation. Follow these simple rules and you to can survive be as blissfully happy as us.

10 Rules For Dating Your Friends Ex

A picture captured at a wedding we all attended, separately.

1. Remember the issues they have had in their relationships are not your issues. Trust me you and your partner will have your own obstacles to over come, its not necessary to take on additional ones.
2. Don't participate in any bashing of the other person. You better than anyone is aware of their faults but no matter how mad you are at one of them bad mouthing the other is always a bad idea.
3. Don't discuss your sex life with the Ex/Friend. It gets weird to quickly. If you want to talk about your sex life I suggest blogging about it or talking to another friend. 
4. Don't share secrets. As a friend you are often told things in confidence and as a girlfriend you also told things...there is no reason to share those secrets with the other person.
5. Communication is important. If The BF and his Ex/Friend have a hard time communicating, and lets face it they probably do, you may be the link to help them because you speak both their languages. Embrace this and when necessary communicate without bias and emotion.
6. Be honest about your feelings..if someone hurts them tell them but remember to be kind about it.
7. Don't be afraid to call them on their bad choices...always do so in a loving and kind matter but remind them they are acting like idiots. I do this often.
8. Tell them no. Because you are The Friend and The Girlfriend they may conspire together to get you to do something you don't want to do, like taking the gets trick or treating. Feel free to say no thank you I will stay home where its nice and warm and hand out candy. 
9. Be leery of the nay sayers. Your relationship will be under a spot light and people are waiting for the "blow up" especially between you and the Ex/Friend. Just smile and know that this type of relationship is not for everyone and not everyone will understand.
10. The most important rule is to have a sense of humor. Lets be honest it is a funny bizarre situation and if you cant stop and laugh at yourself and the situation Then its not going to work.

I think these rules may apply in most relationships.

I'm Fat...Now What?

Last week I admitted I am obese (I keep saying it out loud so I don't forget) and that was my first step to getting healthy. Everyone was more than supportive and I want to thank you all for your encouraging. You have given me the courage to continue talking about my fat ass...like that was ever in question.

I wish I was as "fat" as I was at 17.

Today I am going to talk about a topic that I think most over weight people understand, Bad Habits. I am not fat because I don't know what I am suppose to do. I have read the books, articles and been lectured to by my Doctor. My sister The Health Nut is always encouraging me to move and eat healthy. ..if she read my blog she would probably bring over a green drink for me right now and want to go for a walk. My Baby sister is always encouraging me to eat green and organic foods.

But my bad habits always get in my way. I do good for a month or even 3 but then the bad day comes and all those habits I worked hard to eliminate come back and I am eating a package of cookies and drinking milk straight from the carton in my car in the grocery store parking lot...true story.

So this time around I am taking different approach to getting healthy...instead of changing all my bad habits over night I am picking one bad habit to stop and one good habit to start every week. That way if I slip up (trying to be positive here) I won't feel like I have screwed everything up (this is a thinking error I know) and finish off the package of cookies. I can just move forward. And in a spirit of accountability and honesty I am sharing my habit changes.

Last week:

• Good Habit: Increase my water intake to 3 liters a day. Boy to I have to pee a lot.
• Bad Habit: Don't add sugar to anything...like my coffee. Luckily I enjoy coffee enough to drink it black.

This week:

• Good Habit: When at work get up and walk around every hour when possible
• Bad Habit: No extra snacking...I am a horrible snacker if there is a bag of potato chips out I will get up several times to get a small handful. These calories add up fast.

Add in the commitment to eating healthy meals (I actually do pretty good a
t this when I want) and exercising I think its a good first step.

If you are thinking of getting healthy yourself please join me on myfitnesspal.com so we can encourage each other.

MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter